eleventwentyeightoseven: of counting crows…

i arrived around seventhirty…eightish…same ‘ol same ‘ol…

i think of the loop before it was finished…i think of all the backroads…i think of austin as i pass his ‘exit’…i think of him sitting there at his gate, smoking cigarettes, camels, waiting on me to show up inthemiddleofthenight…i think of how he was always the exception to my no smoking rule…i think of how i always say i’m going to the ‘land of lights’ but never do…i pass oaklawn and think of jay and feel like suffocating…i think of how i would do anything to see him again…i light a cigarette and think of all the shit i gave him for smoking…i think of listening to guns ‘n roses and watching soft-core porn…i think of how i always thought we’d end up together…i think of his mom telling me to sit down…i think of falling down…i think of the hilarious picture i took of allan sitting there all sunburnt and sweaty on his turftiger wearing his shortshorts to take my mind off him…but he’s always there…left over the bridge and…

hicksville usa…off with the seatbelt…something i got from jon foreverago…when he was a resident actually…i remember how happy we were…how easy it all was…how laying there, fifteen or sixteen, tangled in the green blanket, made us feel like we could do anything…i remember the first time he kissed me…i remember crying my eyes out at a fucking ahs band concert because of it…i think of all the shennanigans in the pasture…the spiders on haybales…the hours upon hours of good music…the goddamn mccormick vodka…

i wonder what gary’s up to…i think of him telling the same stories overandover and his “don’t think bad of me”…

i park in my spot and walk towards his house…i manage to make it without having to stumble through some treacherous weeds for once…up the stairs…i knock…i think of how i haven’t always had to knock…i think of when cliff lived there…i think of drinking wine or margaritas or just tequlia back when i thought it was cool to drink quervo like water…playing paperboy and zelda and talking shit to digital ghosts…i think of jeff on top of the world…

being the excellent host he is, he offers me a beer…we watch some rather amazing tv…little hercules…mythbusters shooting fish in a barrel and proving elephants are in fact afraid of mice…vampires getting off on cannibalism…he makes a comment about making a nice bloody bbq sauce…i wonder if he’s serious…

i miss jeff so i send him some rather x-rated, erection-inducing texts…he says he may come…

we play a rather kickass game of extreme pingpong and i realize how good i got in the month or two we were…

i make him a token pingpongpaddle that reads, ‘fuck’ on one side and ‘u’ on the other…he loves it…

i realize we have such a good time together…i realize he is still my wingman even after all the fuckedup shit that went down…i realize he is still in love with me…and i get why…

he tries to kiss me…i wish he were jeff…

speaking of…i realize i have to smoke my entire pack of cigarettes before jeff arrives…not realizing once i’ve had a few beers i won’t care at all…so we toss cigarettes at eachother trying to catch them in our mouth…

we chainsmoke this way ’til he gets there around one…thirty…ish…

no kiss…i realize he doesn’t miss me…he immediately tears into his whataburger and begins the “get the fuck outta athens” speech between bites of thick ‘n hearty…for some reason this disgusts me…i leave the room…

i wake up on the couch…with clint…confused, i stumble into the room that was his…i curl up next to him and feel better already…we wake up…its thanksgiving day…we have a rather quiet holiday fuck on the floor…

i think about how this was “their” room and feel sick to my stomach…he gets up to put his jeans on and looks down at me laying there…

“geez…i came sooo much…i haven’t had sex in a couple days…since the last time we did actually…i haven’t even jacked off…”, he said, like he was bragging or something.

“liar”, i interrupted.

“seriously! i haven’t…i don’t know what’s wrong with me…”, he said.

“well judging by the puddle on my stomach i suppose i believe you…too busy to jack off…poor thing…”, i teased.

“so you want a towel or something?”, he offered.

“no i’m ‘gonna keep it today”, i said as i rubbed it allover my tits.

“really?”, he asked making a rather disturbed face.

he threw me my panties and we got dressed. he kissed me once and we went in the living room where clint was waking up on the couch.

i sat in one recliner…he in the other…we debated going to breakfast over a joint…he wanted pancakes…once we got high we decided to go our separate ways…do the family thing…the eating thing…the football thing…

later as i sat down to the annual collins thanksgiving feast i laughed out loud when i thought of the idea of me sitting there in between charlie and my bitchy stepsister with his cum still allover me…

perhaps if she had cum allover her she wouldn’t be so bitchy…